Journal entries


Ok, this may be a bit of a long shot. 

Initially was a feeling of excitement, enthusiasm and elation. 

I was so happy, I wanted to shout from the rooftops to the nation.

Undeniably, there was also a feeling of anxiety and I thought I may end up needing a referral to psychiatry.

Along came the familiar feeling of self-doubt; am I good enough, can I do this? Will I disappoint you or even worse myself? Or will this all lead to burn out?

The fear of knock back and rejection when all I wanted was in fact affection and for people to like me and see my personality as contagious as an infection.

It’s so easy to sit and moan but I thought now is the perfect opportunity to step out of my comfort zone.

I felt proud of what I’d already achieved and ready to challenge how I knew I was perceived.

However, I wasn’t prepared for the world out there, what felt like a war zone and people gasping for fresh air.

The numbers of staff were cut by more than half and all I longed for was to hear my colleagues laugh.

The patient flow was virtually non-existent but one thing for sure was that the admissions were consistent.

Alongside these challenges was a thing called Covid, causing fatigue and uncertainty when the world as we knew it had just imploded.

So what? 

Along we came, hot to trot, development by name, prevalent by nature. 

Supported by my team, I felt ready to enter my courage zone. This was my dream and I knew I wasn’t alone.

I donned my PPE, braced myself for what I was going to see and found myself always looking forward to the next cup of tea.

It took courage and strength to enter this journey of discovery, learning who to keep at arm’s length and also who may need some recovery.

But back to me and my journey to becoming more self-aware, regular self-care but no longing to be elsewhere.

Now what? I hear you say. It looks like the PD team are here to stay.

I feel committed and in it for the long haul, that is unless I come into money and get a cash windfall.

Changing culture will not happen overnight, we know that and there is no end in sight.

This is because good things take time and I have no doubt that we as a team will shine.

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